Love Lives Here

when words evade me

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice-
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations, though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.
but little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do-
determined to save
the only life you could save.
                                                   The Journey by Mary Oliver

summer
slipping
sliding
through my fingers
not only now
as the days grow chill
when the sky threatens
rain
perhaps just gloom
the winds
blow more chill
yet also through the sunshiny
heat filled days
beach days
seashore perfect days

for i had
 well ~ this and that
i would not want to bore you ~
yet mostly
it was the change
the immensity of change
(i know that change is inevitable
normally i embrace change)
yet this
this was different
this was in almost all
areas of my life
too much to have to deal with
in one passing of a year
perhaps even too much
for one passing of a lifetime

yet i endured
i was courage
i was hope
i was guide
i was shoulder to lean on
i was present

i was crying
i was smiling
i was speaking
sometimes in a voice too loud
sometimes in a voice imparting hurt
i was present

i am present
yes
i am courage
i am hope
i am laughter
i am tears
i am smiling
i am laughter
i am encouragement
for self
for others
i am present

Billy pooch

Our Billy pooch is almost six years old. As I was taking but only a moment to rub his ears, give him that minute attention, I was reflecting the day we had chosen him from a group of puppies situated in a garage. We were determined to choose a puppy that would preferably not be aggressive. We knew that we were to look for probably the runt of the group. Billy, definitely not the runt, probably the largest, was very shy. He was hiding beneath a larger set of shelves. Our hearts opened. He was pulled out and we gave him what loving we were able.
Billy has grown to be a wonderful caring pet. Unfortunately as any signs of stress become evident in our house, Billy grows concerned. Circumstances as they are, this situation arises much more frequently than we would like.




In the past days, I have told near our entire story to four different individuals. Each sharing session was one hour and a half to two hours long. You will probably recognize the strength and courage required to do that. So often the question arises, "What helps you to get through all these challenges?" I have come to the place where I can easily and freely talk of that which has helped me and continues to assist with finding strength, finding joy, in my moments and hours.



I often think of friends who struggle also with challenges, with situations, that would frequently pull a person down, sometimes, down into a place from which one can no longer get back up again.

One of the people I very truly admire is Chrysti Hydeck. Besides being an extraordinary artist, Chrysti has been given the chronic challenges of Bipolar Disorder and Tourette's Syndrome. While Chrysti has stated that she knows it is not appropriate to carry on about challenges on her blog, she has made no secret of the fact that she has these disorders. I appreciate that tremendously. On a very rare occasion Chrysti has shared letters of appreciation which people have sent in recognition of her honesty, her sharing, her helpfulness in what she shares, in what she teaches. If you have not had the opportunity to meet Chrysti I would like to recommend her to you as a "must meet".



I have stated this before and I will say it again. I believe that art saves. So you would not be surprised that one of the very first answers I give to the question of  "What helps you to get through all these challenges?" ~ ART.



What about you? What do you choose to help you through the rough spots, through the challenges?
My wish for you this day is that you might choose art. My wish for you this day is that angels be with you as you look to health and joy, love and comfort.

broken wing

This poor lovely soul has lost a wing. I dropped her and alas she has only one.



Myself, I feel broken too, as if without a wing. I did not drop myself. I have been spread far too thinly though. I have been pulled in so many directions. Mostly others needs have pulled me away. I have been pulled away from art. I have been pulled away from myself.

YET, I am amazed at how strong I have remained. At times, when my thoughts are seemingly filled with concerns, questions, and possible solutions, what one could call worry, I can mostly manage to pull myself out of that dificult place with a walk outdoors where I can admire the flowers, pull a few undesirables, quite easily find feathers or hear the cooing dove. There is even a dove at the farm. At least I have heard it. An even greater life saver is my art. At times I have really not felt like doing art. I have practically forced myself to do it. I know it will bring me peace and contentment, further strength. Sometimes I just need to think about art. I can think of possibilities of art quilts and canvas bags. I remember lovely examples at Amy Butler's or Cath Kidston's "homes". (Sorry I don't have time to grab the links. I know you can find them).
So now I will dream of the future of my art. I know I will soon be able to share my many new adventures in jewelry design and production. I will have completed altered books to share as well as vintage style designs.

As I leave you with angel blessings I hope that you will continue to keep me within your thoughts and prayers. I also hope that you will remain strong as well and especially remember that ART SAVES.

Angels be with you.

some days

some days just feel like everything is asunder. everything topsy turvy. everything kind of askew.one day even brought me momentarily a world tipped sideways. what does that mean I wonder? how am I to cope with all the dis comfort, all the dis ease?
it feels that I am grieving so many people - not all dead but just gone.
it feels that I am grieving joy and jovial. they too seem just gone.
it feels that I am grieving nature.
I am tired of grieving.

kitty cat sits beneath legs of my chair. I hear her subtle movement. I find another feather. I carry it with me as I am taking Billy for his walk. it belongs with my collection. that is where I place it. I see angels and colours and sunsets. I hear the dove cooing. a sigh escapes me. I wonder when I might feel like getting back to art. I have played with technology. is that art? it always feels like cheating to me. I know it is not. it feels it is.



I hear the clock tick tock. I see the "I am amazing" sign turn in the breeze. I wonder who I am. I wonder if anyone cares. I know they do but I wonder.

the layers of me

with every layer
each new texture
added
scratched away
I wonder

will I ever find
my true
real self

then remembering
with each new layer
the self emerges
differently

alas
each new layer
each new day

another
yet more unique me
a different
wonderful me

© Wendy Burton

I have spoken before about how much I embrace creating layers and textures within my art. The wooden pieces above are newly textured, awaiting further developments. I am planning additions to my long neglected etsy shop with these pieces and have only to do photos and set up for a number of smaller items. I'll let you know when that ever happens.

In the meantime I found this video of Bruno Sasfilippo Piano Textures III which I would like to share, ever more "textures".



And if you also adore textures, please think about this exciting opportunity to join Dale Anne Potter and me as we look at mixed-media techniques. If you want to learn, or are already experienced and want to practice textures, AND numerous other techniques, this is a fabulous time to be doing either.

"When you're smiling"

In the last couple of weeks I felt quite often that the word "floundering" wanted to hold some huge space in my thoughts. Then I stopped to look back at all the good that has happened in the past years and I found much that this video represented was so true. Thank you dear Elena.



I had done the following piece about three years ago. At that point in time I had already identified that hope was very important.


I observe the "darkness" of the above creation. Yet it was probably about the same time I wrote the following poem.

The Color of Hope
“Is what you see hope?”
Oh yes, It is hope.

Hope ~
In abounding quantity.
“You do not give up.
You will never give up.
You must never give up!”

A time,
A place,
I feel like giving up.
And again.
And again.
It haunts me.

Maybe that is the black hole inside of me!

Optimism is hope.
I strive to optimism.

Maybe that is why pesstimism angers me so.

Patience also walks hand in hand
With hope.
If there is not patience,
Hope
Will be near
Impossible to find.

What color is hope?
It can be Orange,
Yellow
Or Pink.
Blue is my favorite.
It can be Blue.
Or Purple ~ Majesty, faith.

But regardless
Of the color of hope,
It is bright.
There are angels hovering all about.
Hope.

And even yet I see darkness in the words. I have come to be much more relaxed with the understanding that some people choose the path of pessimism. I have come to realize that rather than anger me I should just try to step away from these folk that have chosen a different path. Sometimes that is more difficult than others. I have to say that I still let others' impressions affect me (part of the reason for the floundering?) but I am not nearly as concerned.

I try to remind myself of the individuals I have touched in the past years by something I said or more recently by something that touches in one of my creations - be it a video or photograph or words or art. I am astonished at the number of views for some of my photographs like the following which has received over 2000 views, at this point 95 comments and 41 people marking as a favourite.



The number of views on my videos has been astonishing. The most viewed video is this one called "creating an art quilt - tutorial".

This one about art journaling has had over 3000 views. I am so pleased to be helping people in some way with the sharing. Maybe you would be helped by it also.



The list goes on. I am certain that if you took a moment or two you also could find many ways that you have touched people's lives. Sometimes we have to think about it but I am certain that you could make a VERY LONG list.

I do want to return momentarily to the difficult years. I created this digital art last week. Click on the image to get a larger version at flickr so you can read the words.



Please remember you can find links by clicking on the words with different colours and if you click on the images in posts you may get an enlarged version so that you might be better able to read the words, as in the link to "suicidal tendencies". "They said" speaks to the suicidal tendencies (particularly of about five years ago) and depression (long term). I do want to emphasize that while I chose no medication, that is certainly not for everyone. It is what I chose but there were some family and friends watching closely over me, offering prayers and support. If you are going through a situation in which you are feeling hopeless and especially if you are feeling alone, medication is probably an excellent choice. I have included a couple of links to the more difficult times. If you want to search for more feel free to go back to earlier days on my windyangels blog. You can do so by going to one of the links mentioned above and scroll down to just above the delphinium photo. You can go from there to older or newer posts.

Please remember ~ try to smile.

ferris wheel:
some days feel
like I'm going round
and around
on a ferris wheel

it seems to stop
when I'm atop
I gaze about
and see
what is happening

at the bottom
it never stops
to let me off
so I might
do something
anything

it just
keeps going
round
and around

© Wendy B Burton



Thanks for all your comments towards the giveaway. Please accept my apologies. I will definitely do it early next week.

a man in the universe -
I had an appointment yesterday with a new endocrinologist (diabetes specialist). I wrote a piece about it which I am sharing at my other blog.
I hope you'll take a moment to read it.

And here's a photo of "my faithful friend"



Angels be with you,
Wendy XO

blue lady



I just completed this journal page today. I'd done the background a couple of weeks ago. It was done with words, light blue acrylic paint, possibly a mask with words in oil pastels, blue ink over top and then some stamping with a hand carved stamp and metallic paint. I drew the face a few days ago in pencil. Today I used a bit of watercolor pencil and then caran d'ache crayons with water. I drew in some details with a black pen.

I thought it was a good day to finish the "blue lady" as that's pretty much how I'm feeling today. It doesn't help that I've got an appointment tomorrow with a new diabetes specialist and my blood sugars have been bouncing around crazily. I'll have to try to explain to him about all the stress and how it affects my diabetes. I'll have to try to tell him that I'm trying to look after myself but how difficult it's being. I'll have to go through the whole story again. That's difficult. I spent 45 minutes on the phone yesterday morning talking to a new helper for our daughter. Shortly after that my blood sugar was something like 22. The normal high is 7.

Actually I feel like running away someplace right now and just doing art. OH WELL! Maybe next week :D

A touch of sunshine:

permission
to smile
to laugh
to cry
to create
to breathe
to express
to be
me

And most recently I've been giving myself permission to stay away from this technology a bit so I might have fun clearing my art room and creating containers for putting tools in - mainly stamps that I am decorating the boxes for. I'll share as soon as I have an extra moment.

In the mean time I have done this journal page with an old picture, slide actually, that I found when we were at the farm over the holiday season. We found many slides. Greg needs to teach me how to do the scanning. Because they are old slides it is being a bit of a challenge.

I chose this particular image

of myself because I believe it portrays very well what I have felt about my childhood. I would try to smile because I knew people wanted me to feel happy. Instead I probably looked even more sad. Certainly not all the pictures are that way. I'll share more along the way.

The journal page was looking quite "weak". I planned to add the texture with polyfilla. The part that was not planned was when I used walnut ink spray and accidentally got some on my photo. I went to wipe as I typically do, forgetting the ink on the vellum would smudge. Ahhh, blurriness - perfect. That's exactly how I often feel about my childhood. Images blurred. I'm not sure how I feel after I put the ink on for my eyes and glasses but I think, through it all, my eyes were seeing, learning, finding myself even as I was losing myself.



Back to more discovering, more creating, more fun with the organizing.



May angels be with you as you give yourself permission.
Wendy XO

Unfortunately our modem died last night and I was unable to submit this for Inspire Me Thursday as I would have liked. That is quite fine. Fitting to my resolutions I laughed and will share it here with you now.

Resolutions: while I am not much for New Year’s Resolutions I have decided to share with you a couple of hopes I hold in my heart for this year. I realize that it is also quite late to be sharing these but Inspire Me Thursday still has “New Year Resolutions” for its theme. I thought I would go ahead.

The art journal page is about laughter. It looks at kisses tickling. I was thinking of any kind of tickling, including tickles of one’s sense of humour. It all works. My hope for this year is to try to remember to laugh more often. Laughter is very good for my body and soul.



The flat canvas is 8 x 10 inches. “Sunshine on my shoulder” brings to me the hope that I might feel sunshine within my heart even on the cloudiest of days.





Angels be with you,
Wendy

Winnie and January: This is typically a very difficult time of year for me. I think I am doing quite well though in looking to "spring" within my heart. That will be the story for the blue flat canvas of which you can see the background. I've put the start of a sunshine as well. I'm not certain yet of the other one. The green was started probably in November. As usual the scan does not do the colours justice.

I've shown a couple of pictures of Winnie in the past week. I will tell you now that she was my auntie on my Dad's side. I never got to meet her as she died in 1933. Winnie had diabetes. She died when she was 13 years of age, of pneumonia, probably a complication of the diabetes. I have recently come to feel a connection to Winnie. I've done these couple of journal pages. The first one is "remembering the past whilst not even trying (consciously)".





The second is "growing in stature with each breath that I take". The parts below the vellum pictures of Winnie were drawn. They are representing myself. With the second it is quite amazing, I think how the eyes of Winnie correspond exactly with the picture I've drawn. They totally change Winnie's eyes. I feel so blessed to have found the picture of Winnie in a family history book and to have learned a tiny bit more about her in the past few weeks. I am feeling it is one of the gifts that has been given to me through the Advent and Christmas seasons. it brings renewed hope to my future, this new year.




My prayers would be that you may find blessings as well as you contemplate your life and your self.

Angels be with you,
Wendy

Another brightly sunny filled day, while cold, and yet again filled with treed hoar frost. Yummm.

Yes, I've been writing again. This one has been tough but it is finished in about its first draft. It is about Winnie. I am presenting it tonight with my writer's group. I will decide what to do with my story then.

Here is a picture which I worked with for quite some time the day I was playing with my templates and blog set up. I think it was Sunday last. I was going to use this for a banner. Maybe some of you got to see it if you happened to stop by sometime on Sunday. I then decided it was too loud. I'll make a new banner another day. I just cut out the part I like best.
Yes Suze, there is definitely a resemblance. By glancing at it momentarily I notice especially our noses. I think it would be too difficult to take a picture in the same pose. Just as I said to Greg that I probably would have much difficulty visiting the grave site anytime soon - one day.

And the music which is being played over and over again for me this day, more about a love of family:

I realized I have not posted for nearly two weeks so decided to take a brief moment to tell you that though I have been doing huge amounts of work in the area of self discovery even over the last two weeks I am doing quite fine. I am trying to get to organizing my space a bit and at times it feels like it is slow going as molasses. I will be taking opportunities to still create. I need to get a couple of things out of the way first - doctor appointment, huge grocery shop, registering daughter for a new activity and other typical life things such as laundry - which I hate, in case you did not realize.
I have been posting a few pictures yet to flickr. This is one that drew attention, also the one at the top of my blog right now.



I am also posting a picture of Winnie. I might tell you more about her another day. I'm not certain yet if something I should share. I believe this young lady has had a huge influence on my life.



Until I have time to post more I'll give you this quotation from Inspiration Peak:

May peace fill all the empty spaces around you
And in you, may contentment answer all your wishes.

May comfort be yours, warm and soft like a sigh.
And may the coming year show you that every day
is really a first day, a new year.

Let abundance be your constant companion,
so that you have much to share.

May mirth be near you always,
like a lamp shining brightly
on the many paths you travel.

May you be true love.

Author Unknown

Angels be with you,
Wendy XO

"what a wonderful world":
I was cruising around on youtube and came across this Eva Cassidy version of a song I love very much. I thought it would be appropriate to include with my post for today.



I was able to complete the vintage Christmas stocking for my swap partner, besusans. It went into the mail yesterday. I had been getting somewhat panicky about the whole arrangement but truly I create better under pressure. I loved making treasures for Susan which I believe will be meaningful. I also purchased some gifts. I also love Christmas shopping, especially for folks who have similiar interests to my own. Vintage fabrics and ephemera are not so readily available where I live but I found a few pieces in my own stash which I thought might be appropriate. I am assured that Susan should be receiving her package in about 11 days so I'll try to keep in touch with Susan so that I might show more of my own photos of the items I made, after she has received the stocking ;-).

In the meantime I want to share just a couple of the reasons why I love the the above mentioned song. So often I feel so blessed with angels. I had received MY swap package from Mandy, pearl maple, a couple of weeks ago. I promised I would not open it until after I had Susan's package away in the mail. Last night I was very tired but it was the perfect time to be opening my surprise. Tears come easily to my spirit, but especially when I'm tired, especially when someone recognizes, surprises, touches me so closely. And so the tears were present as I found the beautiful angel filled, blue filled, ribbon filled, vintage filled, hope filled diamond treasure chest which Mandy had sent. The angels were on everything, it felt. I love the colours, the richness, the handcrafting and thoughtful choices. I felt so blessed Mandy. Thank you so very much. You have truly touched my spirit.

Another surprise also arrived yesterday. There is a very kind elf on flickr who has such a talent with words. He chose yesterday to write another of his poems for me. Tom is such a wise and kind elf. Thank you Tom.



When Angels Dance in Snow
© Thomas R. Farrell
A Poem for Windy Angels

Did you know
That black and white will marry ..…
Giving birth to blue
Whom they will rest here
In the shadows of their love!

Bushes and snow and lattice fence
Lost in yesterday's passing fall of snow,
Welcoming their sun to sit a while longer
As shadows praise their God
For this dress it wears so well.

Clouds I’m sure will come
In an hour or a day
Giving all a grayer cast
And muting songs from snow..

But for now, we have the music
And contrast beaming bright,
For now I hear the sound of songs
As angels dance about --
And I hear the sound of songs they sing,
Sweet foot prints in the snow.

Explanations, no apologies necessary:
I don't really know if anyone cares, but perhaps it will help me to put this here, for you to see. I have not been creating nearly as much art in the past months as I feel capable of, perhaps especially in the last weeks. I truly had hopes to have an open house here to show my art. I truly had hoped to have an etsy shop open and be mailing many of my creations to you. I truly had hoped to have much more available in the line of photographs to sell for my family and friends, any who might have been interested. There is not much interest locally in mixed media, at least not that I've had time to pursue. But remember that I am not apologizing. I am explaining. If you looked at my previous post about the kind of flower I am, it mentioned pride. That is truly what I'm feeling.
While I've not been noticeably ill, those that are my helpers, my therapists, tell me that I have been "working very hard". This has nothing to do with physical labour - absolutely very little to do with physical labour. I have been healing myself. That is much more an emotional, psychological, spiritual kind of work. I can see that for anyone that doesn't know me very well, for anyone that believes in the "protestant work ethic" and in fact this would include some Catholic friends (Humboldt is a very German Catholic community), or just generally those that do not understand, they would sweep away my explanation as quickly as the dust on the floor. Yet for one of my helpers to tell me recently that is something he admires of me, the "hard work", and for Naomi to be nodding her head up and down with a little (or maybe not so little) glow in her eye when I'm repeating that admiration to her, makes me feel even more proud of what I am doing, accomplishing. Other helpers have reiterated how much better I have been doing also.



November is an extremely difficult month for me but here I am telling you all about my hard work. There have been many trials in the past year, particularly months, but I have weathered them. I've even been involved in a "soap opera incident" as I will refer to it. It wasn't really pretty. I was drawn into it totally without my awareness. I am to forget about it but because I have this loyalty to friends it is being extremely difficult to walk away from. Also because of my diabetes and the swinging blood sugars that have always come with that, I tend to a vicious cycle of inferior thoughts, particularly with the high sugars. I have been weathering that. I have been flowing through it with an added height to my awareness, to my strength.
And so I have tried to keep this post positive. I have tried to explain rather than apologize. I will take a moment to say that some of you have noticed moments of huge creative energies. They tend, however, to be frequently interrupted with all this other hard work and I have had major difficulties in arranging the typical help which has been made available for our daughter. Normally at this time of year I've had much help with her. This year it has been interrupted to a large extent.
So I will continue to create, when I can. The creating needs to be more again for me as opposed to being for you. The etsy shop will open when it opens.
Angels be with you my friends. Thank you for all the angels you send to me,
Wendy

Autumn collages and another journal page:
I'd completed these autumn collages a while back. They were with a friend of mine who has purchased some of my art. There are six altogether. They measure about 8 1/2 x 11 inches. It is one of my photos printed on decorative paper and then applied to more decorative paper with stitching. A brad was then added.


The journal page is, as often, with words. These words are about the castle which is me. As I'm more into country, informal style, there are splashes of that also LOL. The windows show bright light which is what I am seeking. A number of years ago someone told me of the book "Interior Castle" by Teresa of Avila. So developed the idea of myself as a castle.

Thank you for all the fabulous birthday wishes- to Suze who is probably extremely busy today but has granted me so many gifts already, to Karen, Elena, Jeanne, Darcy (going through a difficult time right now and needing our prayers), Barbara, Jenny and all my dear family and friends.
Angels be with you,
Wendy
p.s. much art to follow in the next days, certainly weeks
Thanks again.

Birthdays:
As I approach my 50th birthday on Sunday I am feeling quite blessed.

this road on which I travel

at times

seems so rough

filled with obstacles

which appear, at first, impossible

but as I look back

I pause

and take wonder

at all the beauty

the miracles along the way

Though I've been feeling somewhat muddle-befuddled the past few weeks I really do not believe it has anything to do with the approaching age. I am quite proud to have had diabetes for 46 1/2 years without any complications to this time. That is quite unusual considering the very bouncy ride it has always been. If you click on the above photo you can go to my comment part way down in which I mention the diabetes.
Then today I discovered this fabulously optimistic lady who celebrated her 108th birthday last Sunday. I love Olive and her enthusiasm for life. She has such a beautiful radiance.



And I love the idea of the sing-alongs. I used to do them with my Mom and aunties when I was a teenager and now once in awhile I do them with our daughter Cat. If my Mom happens to be around she'll try to join in too. Maybe you didn't realize I'm one of those kind of people to occasionally burst spontaneously into song. I don't need accompaniment if the song is familiar LOL.