autumn ramblings 5

a time when ~
tears seem so at the ready
often at the most inopportune of times.
i know i need to cry and let this grief
this sadness
go through me.

yet i am only allowed a moment.
i long for more time.
even but a few more moments.
sometime.

in the meantime i will remember how grateful i am 
for the deeply rooted knowledge that art saves.

for the awareness of the meaning of feathers spotted.
the tiny, though sometimes larger, very brief flashes of light, typically blue
though sometimes purple
or white
even red
in my peripheral vision.
i say a tiny prayer of thanks
as taught.

for the receiving of stories
around feathers
bringing joyful tears 
with the knowledge that others are also aware of these feather angels.

*********

the tears ~

tears for my father
who moved to the greatest of all homes in February.

tears for the struggles and challenges of our daughter
as she tries to make her way in a world that often does not want to see
how sensory issues
how differences
can create ~
can create what?
sigh.
difficulties.
for the joy of being her parents
the knowledge of where she might be if we had not been her parents.
for the beautiful being she is
even though.

tears for my mother
though in a place with many people
many wonderful care givers
a place that is safe
she will be alone on Thanksgiving.
tomorrow i will see her.
i will hug her.
not just one of our pretend hugs
that which we share every time i speak with her on the phone.
i will reassure
that this is where she lives now.
that she has been here for nearly a year now.
the departing on the elevator is always 
i suppose a look to what comes next
gratitude for the time shared
gratitude that she is still with us and as able as she is.

tears for all the gifts we have been given.

tears for my family.
though this Thanksgiving there will be only three
i am ever rejoicing for family
just as through the past 
we six, round the dining room table for Thanksgiving,
mentioned "family" as that being one of the things we were most grateful for.
for so many wonderful gifts.
we have been richly blessed.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." 
                                                             Melody Beattie
  

as the new day dawns
I feel gratitude within
as the gift of creativity
burbles up
through my spirit
the gift of art
leads me on a path
of further
discovery





Over the past few weeks I have been busy preparing for a local "Women's Day" show and sale. Because the focus was on fashion, personal care, fitness and health, much of my art was not really appropriate. So I was focusing on making jewellery. I had hoped to do some painting of canvas bags also but ran out of time. I only started doing a wash on the inside of a bag on the very day before the show.

There were things I was made aware of through the preparation time as well as things of which I was strongly reminded. 
1. I am very good at planning and starting projects. Finishing them is an almost impossibility for me. Thank goodness my dear husband is so dear to have helped me with every single one of the closures. My hands are not very good with jump rings and tiny pieces. Snaps would be very tricky for me also. YAY! Greg.
2. Doing the same thing over and over is extremely boring for me. Cutting and gluing papers to insulin vials - hmmmm - any volunteers to assist with these chores would be greatly appreciated.
3. Comical talk show hosts can be extremely helpful in uplifting my mood in a winter that has been very harsh. The ongoing snow, wind chills and extreme cold have been brutal. There been a few sudden heat waves which every time have resulted in freezing rain or blowing snow across road ways. When one lives in a very rural province and many activities require travelling, icy and snow blown roads put cancellations high at the list of very frustrating. Yes, it has been a very harsh winter all in all. And so I have been grateful to Ellen and STEVEN and CHRIS for bringing to me joy and laughter over the past few days, weeks, when I tired of listening to HGTV momentarily.
4. When I am uptight and very tense, it truly helps to try to sing. Sometimes I sing familiar tunes. Sometimes I make up my own words. 
5. I must never forget how much I love to create and how much art saves me. Seemingly, I had not painted for weeks. On Saturday morning, day before the show, when I chose to splash a teal wash onto the inside of a bag, well, I felt enthused and energetic once again. On Monday, the day after the show, I did up the three art journal pages above. The backgrounds were completed and I had only to use a black pen and then fill in some extra colours with watercolour pencils. Immediately soothing. 

as the new day dawns
I feel gratitude within

Billy pooch

Our Billy pooch is almost six years old. As I was taking but only a moment to rub his ears, give him that minute attention, I was reflecting the day we had chosen him from a group of puppies situated in a garage. We were determined to choose a puppy that would preferably not be aggressive. We knew that we were to look for probably the runt of the group. Billy, definitely not the runt, probably the largest, was very shy. He was hiding beneath a larger set of shelves. Our hearts opened. He was pulled out and we gave him what loving we were able.
Billy has grown to be a wonderful caring pet. Unfortunately as any signs of stress become evident in our house, Billy grows concerned. Circumstances as they are, this situation arises much more frequently than we would like.




In the past days, I have told near our entire story to four different individuals. Each sharing session was one hour and a half to two hours long. You will probably recognize the strength and courage required to do that. So often the question arises, "What helps you to get through all these challenges?" I have come to the place where I can easily and freely talk of that which has helped me and continues to assist with finding strength, finding joy, in my moments and hours.



I often think of friends who struggle also with challenges, with situations, that would frequently pull a person down, sometimes, down into a place from which one can no longer get back up again.

One of the people I very truly admire is Chrysti Hydeck. Besides being an extraordinary artist, Chrysti has been given the chronic challenges of Bipolar Disorder and Tourette's Syndrome. While Chrysti has stated that she knows it is not appropriate to carry on about challenges on her blog, she has made no secret of the fact that she has these disorders. I appreciate that tremendously. On a very rare occasion Chrysti has shared letters of appreciation which people have sent in recognition of her honesty, her sharing, her helpfulness in what she shares, in what she teaches. If you have not had the opportunity to meet Chrysti I would like to recommend her to you as a "must meet".



I have stated this before and I will say it again. I believe that art saves. So you would not be surprised that one of the very first answers I give to the question of  "What helps you to get through all these challenges?" ~ ART.



What about you? What do you choose to help you through the rough spots, through the challenges?
My wish for you this day is that you might choose art. My wish for you this day is that angels be with you as you look to health and joy, love and comfort.