I decided, perhaps subconsciously, to start sending the angel blessings on to others as well.
In the past days I have received physical gifts of angels. Suze and Serena were very kind to send me angels - lovely pictures, words and music. Thank you both so much.
All angels are appreciated, hopefully never overlooked.
I would like to share with you some details of my life, my situation. I choose to do this only because I want you to understand to some extent how important the angels are to me and ways in which they have touched my life. I want you to feel surrounded by angels as you read this. I would like for you to disregard huge feelings of concern you may experience. You might pray for me and send further angels if you choose.
January has almost always been an extremely difficult month for me. About seven years ago I was nearly suicidal. The angels did not seem apparent to me, yet I must have felt their presence. Now seven years later, even with a red sore nose and major sinus congestion, even on days which have been cloudy or very cold, I am near filled with energy and enthusiasm. Please note I write this early in January of the year 2010.
At the time seven years ago when I was so very depressed,
I was allowed the opportunity to do some writing. I found it to be very therapeutic. A number of months later I found the visual arts again. I also discovered a world of friends available to me through the online world. That is where many of the angels have been sent to me and where I often choose to share angel blessings.
You are wondering why the depression. I could go into great length. I actually started writing an autobiography within the past seven years. Then I realized I was ready to move forward. The angels had assisted with the initial healing.
I discovered that art could bring the angels to me in such a playful manner. Rather than a long and detailed narrative, I will try to collapse the specifics into more digestible chunks.
Probably the main factor affecting my health, my psyche, is the diabetes which I have had since I was 3 1/2 years old.
Some 49 years ago there were not the same methods and understanding of treatment. Yes, there was insulin, but not nearly the specialized types and knowledge of how to use. There were no insulin pumps. There was no easy method of checking blood sugars other than going to a lab and having blood drawn. Diet was, even more so, strictly controlled. There were other influences. When he was much younger, my father had an older sister who had diabetes requiring insulin.
She had died at the age of 13 years. Twenty years prior to my developing diabetes there was this trauma. Now that I think about Winnie, I recall that she had died in January.
So you see, my entire family, both those tightest to me as well as the whole extended family, knew of Winnie's life and death. I suspect they were a bit apprehensive.
My diabetes has never been well controlled. Instead, the diabetes has controlled me. Even now when I am 52 years old I must practice very much to not let the diabetes take control. I have been fortunate. I have no complications to this time. I did get a scare when a couple of months ago I got a call from my Doctor to say that I needed to have monthly urine tests because some protein had appeared in a recent urinalysis. With only a telephone call in my busy life, I did not initially grasp the possible horrific possibilities that could have been suggested. I did not ask questions. Only a few days later did the angels help me to realize the possibilities and to then round up more angels within myself to attempt to NOT let the diabetes take control. The prevention of complications for a person with diabetes is of utmost importance. I started to feel yet again that I had failed.
Angels to the rescue. I would not allow myself to believe that I was starting into kidney disease.
About three weeks later I met with my diabetes educator who helped me to understand that the test is extremely sensitive and might not really be indicative of any problems whatsoever. That is why the need for the repeat tests every month. Loretta and I decided to waste little time on complaining about the Doctor who had neglected to tell me about what the test might and might not indicate. Instead we let the angels guide us in trying to look at minute ways in which we might still deal with the ever erratic blood sugars and bring me, even at this stage, to a more wonderful state of healthiness.
Another chapter requires me to tell you of our daughter
who came to live with us at the age of ten months. Katherine had experienced severe asthma when she was a baby, the main reason we were not allowed to adopt her at an earlier stage of her existence. Katherine is now 18 years of age. Together with the typical teen issues our beautiful angel of a daughter
has been given the labels of ADD together with ODD to name a few. Please do not get me wrong about the "labels". The only reason I share them with you is that you might get some inkling of the complexity of our daughter. I by no means want to belittle her. I hate labels.
Because of our daughter's sensory issues, not as severe as someone with full blown autism, her brain frequently does not make the proper connections. Over the years I, and Katherine's Dad,
have done everything in our strength and capabilities to assist her. This has not been easy, yet our daughter
is a wonderful young lady. I truly believe that she is an angel
on a difficult path and that I have been given the privilege of trying to assist her on her path.
Most certainly her future is uncertain but it is no more uncertain than any one of ours.
Seven years ago I was neglecting my own health in the struggle to assist our daughter. My feelings of self esteem were most certainly at an all time low. Together with believing, as ever, that I was not doing the best for myself because of the ever present diabetes, I felt also that I was a failure as a parent (actually a very typical feeling of parents with children of ODD). This, even though I was giving all my energies to daughter. We were not yet fully aware of our daughter's issues and the school system was still struggling even more so to get some grasp of how to best help her. Our daughter was beautiful and charismatic. Contrary to her father and mother's personalities, she was, and ever continues to be, totally extroverted. The normal hormonal influences continued to lead many of her teachers and support staff to believe she was a "normal" child going through an extremely difficult transitional period. I frequently felt as though I was banging my head on a brick wall when trying to "teach the teachers" (as I was asked frequently to do by one of the main school staff angels who DID understand).
A call went to the angels to carry me in their arms. They responded. I know they have always been with me but there are those times when they were especially needed.
The angels have truly guided me along the path I have chosen. All of the angels you have sent to me in either a physical or spiritual form, have assisted me in each tiny step. I thank you whole heartedly. I will continue to treasure each and every one. I will also continue in whatever way I can for as long as I am able to share those blessings with you.
And so dear friends, I offer that "angels be with you."