winns angels

Autumn colours, the death of fall:
I love the rich jewel tone colours of autumn. I love the colours of autumn leaves, of asters and zinnias. I love the shades of golden crops as they ripen on the horizon. I love the layering of leaves, of sweaters atop shirts, of skirts atop leggings, of scarves atop jacket collars. I love the patterns and the textures of plaids, of knits, of leaves, of sunsets, of tights and of hats.

But fall ~ I used to hate fall. As the plants of summer faded and died, as the leaves turned to brown, drooped, and dropped, as the crops were harvested and the fields left a muddy shade of brown, as the grass dried and turned that same yucky shade, I felt too like I was withering, drooping and dying. I would lose all my colour. I felt like I was falling.

On days when the sun shone I could still find some colour. I could still raise the corners of my mouth. But when the skies were grey my heart too felt grey and muddy brown. I felt the slipping away.

Seasonal affective disorder is not a colourful site. Seasonal affective disorder sees not the bright hues of blue. It sees only the blue sad. It sees only the murky browns and trapping greys.

The days of Autumn seem to be falling towards us. I choose to look at the richness and not let the grey descend to smother me.