autumn ramblings 5

a time when ~
tears seem so at the ready
often at the most inopportune of times.
i know i need to cry and let this grief
this sadness
go through me.

yet i am only allowed a moment.
i long for more time.
even but a few more moments.
sometime.

in the meantime i will remember how grateful i am 
for the deeply rooted knowledge that art saves.

for the awareness of the meaning of feathers spotted.
the tiny, though sometimes larger, very brief flashes of light, typically blue
though sometimes purple
or white
even red
in my peripheral vision.
i say a tiny prayer of thanks
as taught.

for the receiving of stories
around feathers
bringing joyful tears 
with the knowledge that others are also aware of these feather angels.

*********

the tears ~

tears for my father
who moved to the greatest of all homes in February.

tears for the struggles and challenges of our daughter
as she tries to make her way in a world that often does not want to see
how sensory issues
how differences
can create ~
can create what?
sigh.
difficulties.
for the joy of being her parents
the knowledge of where she might be if we had not been her parents.
for the beautiful being she is
even though.

tears for my mother
though in a place with many people
many wonderful care givers
a place that is safe
she will be alone on Thanksgiving.
tomorrow i will see her.
i will hug her.
not just one of our pretend hugs
that which we share every time i speak with her on the phone.
i will reassure
that this is where she lives now.
that she has been here for nearly a year now.
the departing on the elevator is always 
i suppose a look to what comes next
gratitude for the time shared
gratitude that she is still with us and as able as she is.

tears for all the gifts we have been given.

tears for my family.
though this Thanksgiving there will be only three
i am ever rejoicing for family
just as through the past 
we six, round the dining room table for Thanksgiving,
mentioned "family" as that being one of the things we were most grateful for.
for so many wonderful gifts.
we have been richly blessed.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend." 
                                                             Melody Beattie