autumn rambling 2

This year, ahhh, this year has been so different. I typically observe the changing of the seasons. I feel changes with some angst. Particularly autumn. If you know me very well you realize I have this  love/hate relationship with autumn. I believe the hate part of it is largely due to my Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD. However there is something more to this. Many people react in a similiar fashion to the arrival of spring as well, something to do with air pressure changes, major changes of any sort. 
But I ramble. I feel the need to apologize for the ramble, take it or leave it. My thoughts have been filled with rambling it seems. And I have chosen not to share. There seem to be trends in art blogs. I do not know if you have noticed. I certainly have. 
When I started blogging, I tried to share much of my anxiety, my fears, my concerns. I believed I might help other people going through similiar situations. I still believe I found some very good life time friends because of that sharing. In the last few years the trend seemed to change to holding all your personal "stuff" inside. Kind of like "don't worry ~ be happy", especially with the face you showed to the world. I went along with it even though I was uncertain about it. I was not as inclined to post. I began to get behind with sharing my photos and art. I was not sure what was all right to say and what not. At the time I was going through some very heavy duty challenges. Probably sharing would have been beneficial. I chose not to share. That was easier than trying to decide what to say, what not to say. Sigh. And then there were the times when I had perhaps said too much. I felt guilt. That was not good.
Ahhh, the rambling.
This past year has been very tough. This past year I have been very strong. 
Remember ~ "I am strong. I am free. I have the right to be me." Those words were a wonderful mantra. I go back to them often. Sometimes I forget though. I must try to remind myself.

ramble, ramble 

 
Once again a return to sharing experiences, feelings, hardships, challenges, joys. Once again I think I too may feel more comfortable about choosing the right moments, pieces to share.

Angels be with you my friends.

"Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven’t the answer to a question you’ve been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you’re alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully." ~ Norton Juster

autumn ramblings 1

the second day of autumn. 

usually this time of year is about the autumn dance. alas i find my thoughts, my moods, my actions, to be quite rambling these days, this year. 

and so the decision, instead of my autumn dance, to share ramblings.

our summer has been so filled with sunshine. still the sunshine continues. as i love the light, so need the light, i will not complain. i will attempt to spend time outdoors to enjoy. i will attempt to sit in the light and see if i can slow these random thoughts and actions. i will attempt to remember to breathe deeply, to let the ongoing stress release. some days i am more successful.

today we took advantage of the sunshine, the west wind, the heat. we went to a favourite place, closer by, to do a short afternoon hike. was going to call it a stroll, but quite hilly, quite wild. and i wore my boots. blundstone.

 so much more like a hike. even Billy got tired. 

we are getting older. yet we still love to hike. i also continue to love doing photos of the autumn season.

*******

Finding the following words, compliments of the quotation loving Kitty Ackerman Armstrong, to bring me to a place where I can try to move from the ramble jumble into a more meditative landscape.

"May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys tinkling with bells, past temples and castles and poets towers into a dark primeval forest where tigers belch and monkeys howl, through mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm where bars of sunlight blaze on profiled cliffs, where deer walk across the white sand beaches, where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the high crags, where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you - beyond that next turning of the canyon walls." ~ Edward Abbey